I have a confession to make: I suck at New Year’s resolutions.

Three months ago, I was bubbling over with enthusiasm for my new goals. Now, at the end of March, I hardly remember what those goals were. Oops.

I’m really good at setting goals: I know how to break big tasks into small chunks. I’m perfectly capable of making reasonable deadlines, and I can backwards plan to next Tuesday.

But something always gets in the way. I just recently discovered why.

The Comfort Trap

For nearly every goal I set, my subconscious has an opposite goal that’s just a teeny bit stronger. On first glance, these subconscious goals seem to circle around comfort.

You would get up and go jogging, but your bed is so nice and cozy. You would choose a salad over a candy bar, but chocolate just tastes so darn good.

If you look deeper, though, there’s usually another, more specific reason lurking below. Perhaps every time you exercise, you remember when your gym teacher humiliated you in front of the whole class. Maybe those extra calories helps you regulate your moods, so you can get through the workday.

How It Relates To Marketing

Many of my clients have ‘”shadow desires” that keep them from marketing their business successfully. They subconsciously create situations that cause them to miss networking events because they secretly fear they’ll be ousted as a fraud. Or they avoid cold-calling because, deep down, they need people to like them.

These fears may seem silly, but they’re lodged so deeply that they influence people’s behavior without them ever knowing it.

I’ve identified my own “shadow desires” through lots of journaling and self-reflection. I haven’t always been able to find a solution that helps me meet my goals, but it has helped.

Indigene Gaskin’s Response

“I so agree on you with this! Although I’ve worked on myself for years with journaling, counseling, meditation and a wide variety of methods and modalities, I find that those fears still creep up! So, I’ve tried to do it all in baby steps and reward my self when I’ve completed that step, in addition to sharing my fears about it when someone comments on how successful whatever it was that I conquered.

Now that may not work for everyone, but I believe that as women, we need to share as much as possible, since there is always someone out there, who’s looking to do what we’ve done or want to do, and we’re just an email away!” —Indigene Gaskin of Indigene Fine Art & Illustration

Lori Baer’s Response

“For me … and likely a lot of women … my nature is to put myself last. All too often it seems I’ll have the mindset that I’ll work on marketing when all my other business and personal chores are done, like it’s some kind of luxury. When I’m all done, I’m usually too burned out and so goes the vicious circle.

Along the same lines you spoke about, I think we all have censors in our brains that cast doubt about ourselves and aspirations. I know deep down marketing is humbling and the thought of people saying no or why did she call me and setting myself up to feel like an idiot drives me subconsciously to come up with as many excuses as I can to not get to marketing for another day.

I guess we have to be mindful of these human tendencies and separate logic from emotion and just tell ourselves to go for it and tell the internal censor to shut the hell up. It really is a mental game … mind over matter … just do it.” —Lori Baer, Freelance Writer

Your Turn To Talk Back

You’ve read how other women in business avoid marketing, and the tricks they use to reach their goals. Now it’s your turn. Do you find yourself avoiding marketing, or other areas of your business? What “shadow desires” are keeping you from experiencing success? Leave a comment below.